Understanding when your loved one needs care isn’t as obvious as we may think it will be. One day, the realization just may hit you in the face during a visit. You may also have a nagging feeling that something is not right each time you visit their home. When the time comes to evaluate health and safety, you may have to step up and have an uncomfortable conversation. But getting there can be the hardest part, as it’s truly an exercise of being present and paying attention to daily habits, which can be difficult to do when you have your own household, family and career to maintain.
Determining when a loved one needs care isn’t easy. The decision often arises gradually as you notice small changes in their behavior, health, and home environment. And we’ve heard all the excuses from our clients of why their loved ones don’t want to leave their home:
- “I need my green toaster and I won’t go without it.”
- “I must have my chair. It’s the only one I can sit in for my back.”
- “I’m not leaving your father.”
To your loved one, these issues are 100% valid. To you, they may be just excuses that can be worked around. Either way, it’s an issue nonetheless. While mom may really love that toaster she’s had for 40 years, her worry of being without it may really be an indicator of fear around not wanting to leave the comfort of HOME: the surroundings she’s accustomed to, the place where all their memories live. This is definitely something to take into consideration when making decisions of how to move forward. Taking this and the following warning signs into consideration will help decide what is in your loved one’s best interest and safety. We’ve created a list of recognizable traits that are clear signs that they can no longer remain safe or maintain a quality of life without help in the home:
WARNING SIGNS
Decline in Personal Hygiene
- Diminished appearance such as wearing dirty clothes or unkept hair
- Unable to complete daily tasks like brushing their teeth
- Body odor
- Fear of bathing
Changes in the home environment
- Unkempt dirty kitchen + piling trash
- Signs of animal droppings in corners and along the floor
- Unpaid bills or unopened mail
Safety Hazards
- Expired food in the refrigerator
- Extra clutter
- Loose rugs
- Unchanged Lightbulbs
- Spoiled food or trash
Mobility Issues & Physical Frailty
- Unsteady on their feet
- Shuffling gait
- Inability to stand from a seated position
- Unexplained injuries or bruises
- Muscle weakness
Shifts in Mood, Memory and Behavior
- Forgetfulness and repeating stories
- Missing appointments
- Forgetting to take medication
- Social withdrawal
- Changes in personality
- Increased confusion
- Agitation
- Hallucinations
APPROACHING THE CONVERSATION OF IN-HOME CARE
When the above signs are recognized, you’ll know it’s time to approach the topic with empathy and understanding.
- Don’t Wait for a Crisis: Begin the conversation before an emergency forces a decision.
- Use “I” Statements: Frame concerns around personal worries, rather than accusing a parent of failing. For example, “I’m worried about you being home alone” is more gentle than “You can’t live alone anymore.”
- Involve them in the Process: Present home care as a way to help maintain independence and quality of life. Involve the parent in interviewing potential caregivers and choosing a plan.
Deciding on in-home care is a significant step in your relationship, and can be a difficult one to manage. By staying observant, communicating openly, and prioritizing both the parent’s and the caregiver’s well-being, the transition can improve the lives of everyone involved.
