When you’re not in agreement with your parents or your siblings, senior care plans become a nightmare. You need to work together. How can that happen when you all have different views on what’s needed and what style of care is best? We’re here to answer the question: what do you do when an elderly parent refuses needed care?
Discuss What Care Needs Are Necessary
Sit down and talk about what senior care needs are most important. Go through a list of activities of daily living and instrumental activities of daily living and see what your parents can and cannot do. Check off items where they need help. Those are the care tasks you need to focus on. Over time, you may add more, but you can worry about that later.
As you have the discussion, talk about who your parents are comfortable with. They may not want you and your siblings helping with bathing and toileting. They may not want your brother cooking meals, but they don’t like how you drive. Listen to your parents’ input in this meeting.
You Might Have to Get Someone to Mediate
Conflicts between siblings may happen. In some families, working around the problems isn’t possible. Too many disagreements occur and feelings get hurt. If this happens, a mediator can help. Find an impartial friend, pastor, or social worker. Offer both sides and ask for suggestions.
Split Tasks to Make Things Even
When an elderly parent needs care but refuses, it can be less stressful if everyone chips in. One sibling could cook meals and do the shopping. Another sibling could be the one scheduling appointments and bringing parents to those appointments. One sibling could take care of housekeeping and laundry.
Grandchildren can be included. While they may be limited in what they can manage, they can help with light chores like sweeping, sorting laundry, and walking small pets around the yard.
Split up the tasks so that everyone is chipping in an equal amount of time. Don’t forget to fit in socialization for your parent in this too. Leave time to go for walks, watch movies, or play games.
You Have to Let Your Parents Give As Much Input as Possible
It’s crucial that you listen to your parents. They are the ones in need of help, so their opinions need to weigh heavily. If you can’t work with them, ask a senior care professional to help the family finalize your plans. A senior care agency can answer your questions and address your concerns and help everyone come to an agreement.